SARA POURKHARZI

Kermashan — Under the patriarchal system that reshapes the meanings of words, the term "widow" is used to describe a woman who has lost her husband, and in masculine culture, this label carries connotations that go beyond her marital status.

The words "woman" and "girl" in the language merely indicate the female sex; but in masculine culture, these terms acquire different meanings. A "girl" in this culture means a virgin—a being still at the disposal of her family, whose value is defined by preserving her virginity. In contrast, a "woman" is one who has married, lost her virginity, and become at the service of a person called a husband.

Ferida Kh., a journalist in Kermashan, eastern Kurdistan, says that a widow in patriarchal society is considered a woman with no refuge and no protector. "The common belief among many men is that being a widow represents the highest degree of misery and wretchedness for a woman. Now, imagine that this forbidden stigma suddenly rises—in what is supposed to be an artistic work—to the level of praise and commendation."

She believes this stark contradiction "raises a fundamental question: why should a word always associated with humiliation and exclusion suddenly appear in a position of glorification? The answer is clear: this apparent praise is nothing but a reflection of the commodified and instrumental view of the widow. The patriarchal system, through exploiting anti‑woman vocabulary but in a beautiful and poetic form, seeks to pave the ground for exploiting these women."

She pointed out that "if we look at the content of many poems written and addressed to widows, we will find deep traces of patriarchal visions in the layers of their vocabulary. For example, I heard in one poem a description of the widow as 'used,' and a comparison of her to a garden without a gardener from which anyone can steal fruit. These lines were delivered in a sarcastic and humorous tone, but in reality, they were reproducing a degrading and misogynistic image. Such content not only deserves serious criticism but should also be dealt with seriously and firmly with its writers and performers."

When Misogyny Hides in Everyday Language

One of the methods of entrenching the patriarchal system is the repetition of misogynistic views in everyday and colloquial language—a process that turns language into a tool for reproducing discrimination and shaping collective culture. Many misogynistic words, poems, and texts are republished in virtual space and media without any criticism or review. Often, this degrading view is so subtle and deceptive that many women themselves do not notice it and unconsciously participate in its reproduction. As a result, patriarchal stereotypes are gradually normalized and entrenched.

Armita Yari (a pseudonym), 28, says: "In fact, we always listened to such songs in the car, and even danced and had fun to them—like the famous 'Widow' song. But I never thought there were such ideas behind these songs. Music for me was always a means of joy and entertainment, not a reflection of a misogynistic view. Only now have I realized that many sentences directed against women have skillfully found their way into our daily lives, to the point that we don't even notice them ourselves, and even participate in republishing them."

These words show the extent to which women themselves lack awareness of many misogynistic behaviors, reproducing them as something natural or ordinary.

Khabat Q., who sings at weddings in Kermashan, says: "The songs I perform at weddings about widows are purely humorous in character, and their purpose is to add more joy. The truth is that in the general view, widows in society show more coquetry and attention, because they are once again seeking a partner and want to find a new husband as soon as possible. For this reason, these women usually wear beautiful clothes, take more care of their appearance, and treat men more kindly, so that eventually someone will take them under their protective wing and they won't remain unprotected in society."

Her words prove that the prevailing view of widows reduces them to women looking for a substitute man, thereby making them subject to mockery—a perception repeated so often that some women themselves have accepted it.

Feminist Gloria Jean Watkins, known as bell hooks, explains in her book Feminism Is for Everybody that the patriarchal system does not include only men, but also pushes women to reproduce misogynistic stereotypes through its language and mindset. Under this view, the widow is reduced to the image of a woman without a protector, and her existence and identity are defined only in the context of her relationship with a man.